Breathe

-like a Cabernet

What happens when we Dig a Little Deeper

Have you ever had excavating done on your property? Maybe a small building project, garden beds or plumbing issues. Did you have a Locator come out to mark the lines to make sure you didn’t dig where you shouldn’t? Well, this felt like that. Don’t dig if you aren’t willing to deal with the dangers lurking underneath. Also, having professional help is ideal.

A while back I wrote about digging through some layers to discover the “why” that underscores our “what”. Why we do what we do! We all have one, why an artist focuses on painting the ocean. The easy “why” could be because they love the ocean, but why do they love the ocean? For every answer, ask another why, dig or dive a little deeper!

Maybe you’ll get to the good stuff. It’s the good stuff because it’s honest, authentic and raw. That also makes it the hard stuff, it’s vulnerable, maybe it’s not pretty, it could be painful and it might having you booking an appointment with your therapist. True story! When we risk the deep dive into the patterns, stories and beliefs we hold tightly in our grasp, the place where “I won’t” and “I can’t” live buried beneath our rubble, we open the opportunity to release them, set them free, and discover liberation.

That story I wrote a while back, at that time, that truly was my “why”. I worked the shovel pretty hard to dig through a lot of layers to get there. It felt like I found my “why”. It actually was my “why”, until I asked it again and few more times after that. I could have stopped any time and I would have had a true answer. But curiosity kept whispering why, why, why, and one more time, why!

I started feeling some fear, shit was getting real. I got to a time in my life I don’t like to tread without a speed-dial connection to my therapist. Curiosity kept pushing me and while the old saying ‘curiosity killed the cat’ kept popping into my head, I persisted. I wrote, I wrote pages of words, inching closer, circling, hesitating to name the why. Once I actually spelled it out, there would be no going back. I’d set it aside, I’d ask if it were really necessary, after all, I already shared the story, I answered the question, I could be done. What was the point?

Curiosity was the point. What happens when you reach ground zero? Quick side bar: I’ve actually been to The Ground Zero, the one in New York City. Just a few months after 9/11, I stood on the roof top of 10 & 10, looking over the edge into the abyss. It was……life changing!

I wasn’t sure I could handle “life changing” again, that other time, it led straight to my very first therapy appointment. Well, I happen to appreciate therapy these days, so the words made it to the page. They sat on the page and I wondered if they should just stay there, tucked in a file, for my eyes only. I mean I did the work, that could be enough.

Somewhere deep down, probably as deep as where the words were found, I knew I would eventually share them. They just needed to sit in the light and breathe for bit, or maybe I’m the one that needed to breathe for a bit, like a good bottle of cabernet. Right now I can certainly relate to the reasons a wine should breathe.

It unwinds the tightness, to let more characteristics show through.

A longer time exposed to air will help open it up to show more complexity…

A little time exposed to air will wake it up from its long slumber to revive its liveliness.

(Youngberg Hill Winery)

Yeah, I needed all that; to unwind the tightness, to revive my liveliness after all that digging and unearthing. But once that cork was popped, once my breath filled the excavated space I knew I got to where I needed to go. Who knew that we’re just like a fine wine.

I dig so that I can uncover the whole me. So that when you ask what I do you’ll know more than a job title, you’ll know something about me. I gain insight into what drove me to what I do, I shine a light on the shadows, the shadows we all have.

To what end is this knowing? It took a lot of work to get here, was it worth it? The work was purely self-serving, it wasn’t for anyone else. My why may touch you in the depth of our relationship, and deeper relationships are needed. Connections through our phone screens are illusory, real relationships are waning, why? I suspect it has to do with the depth at which we know ourselves, at which we share of ourselves and at which we wish to know others.

Never stop at what, unearth the why and you’ll gain a deeper understanding of yourself and in others that you’re interested in truly knowing. The end for me is simple, it’s awareness, and awareness is the beginning of why. The more self-aware we are, the more we can relate to everything and see the interconnectedness of all things.

Let’s sit together over a glass of Cabernet and share our why’s.